Christmas Is a Jolly Lot of Additional Work for Women
It’s the season to be merry-stressed for most of us
Every year, at the beginning of December, my stomach clenches in anticipation of too much food and too many things that need to be done. I have a love-hate relationship with the Christmas season. I love it, but by the time it’s around the corner, I can’t remember why.
When the Christmas markets in Vienna open, a heady sense of anticipation and the smell of overpriced mulled wine permeates the city.
There’s the promise of leisurely strolls among the festive booths with friends, ice skating under twinkling lights on Rathausplatz, cookie baking and office parties to brighten up the dark days.
But as December races by, we realize that we’ll never find time for any of these things, apart from the obligatory office Christmas party, which is probably people’s least favorite part of the season.
As the bells jingle and the famous Viennese Christmas lights are switched on, the city fills with excited tourists. The media bombard us with images of people enjoying Christmas treats while I try and fail to find a quiet moment to enjoy the Christmas spirit — and my anxiety level rises.
There is no rest in this “quiet” time of the year.
There’s too much to do. So I make shopping lists, try to remember the deadline for food delivery orders, wonder what gifts to buy and call people to find out who will be where and when.
And it’s not just me: most women in relationships are going into overdrive to give their families the picture-perfect Merry Christmas.
Psychology Today reports:
”Women’s stress levels often rise significantly during the holidays because they are charged with the task of keeping traditions. Holiday labor is added on top of all the regular daily work. Additional stress may prompt women to drink more or misuse prescription medications.”
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but nine times out of ten, Santa Claus is actually Mrs. Claus.
Women do most of the domestic labor. The holidays are no different. If you’re a working woman/mother, the burden of unpaid work increases exponentially around the holidays.
There is a persistent myth that it’s a genetic trait of women to want to take care of others and make sure they have a great time. According to this narrative, women love to spend their waking hours making others happy and comfortable. Because they are women.
Spoiler alert: we don’t — at least not all the time. We’re tired. We’re already doing so much when there’s no festivity looming ahead.
I rarely agree with Melania Trump, but I really understand why she didn’t want the hassle of decorating the White House for Christmas.
As she was so infamously caught saying:
“I’m working … my ass off on the Christmas stuff, that you know, who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?”
Yes, like all of us, she had to give a fuck, because it was expected of her; after all, she was the First Lady.
I wonder, if Hilary Clinton had been elected in 2016, would Bill Clinton have decorated the White House for Christmas? Or would she have had to do it herself- on top of her full-time job? Like many of us have to do?
After our day jobs, we become Santa’s helpers, rushing around to recreate the perfect Christmas we remember from our childhood. The festive joy we’re supposed to feel is lost in the process. Instead, the prevailing feeling for most of us is a sense of dread.
A 2019 study showed that “while only 35% of men have felt stressed around Christmas, for women, the figure is 51%. Over a third of women also say they’ve felt anxious…”
The closer we get to Christmas, the more anxious we become.
There’s so much to do, and we’re afraid that we won’t get everything ready in time. After all, there is a fixed deadline. Christmas can’t be pushed.
In Austria, Christmas Eve on the 24th is the big day; in other countries, it’s the 25th. But whatever the date, the food, the presents, the cookies, the eggnog, the decorated tree, the clean house, the excited children and you, everything has to be perfect on that exact date.
We only have so much time to make the holidays magical and to create those wonderful festive memories we want our children to have.
Organizing all the details to perfection is a herculean task.
And most of the time, our partners aren’t much help. Or assume that we don’t need any help. Unfortunately, women tend to make all that frantic juggling look effortless to the male eye.
I don’t know about you, but after the year we’ve had, all I want for Christmas is to spend a few days with my feet up. With a good glass of red wine in my hand and a good movie, preferably starring Meryl Streep.
So there’s this big gap between what I want to do and what I think I should do.
I want to chill and relax. But, I feel like I should make an effort and bake my own cookies and Christmas Stollen. I feel I should cook a big traditional feast, invite my family, and make sure my younger brother, who has no family of his own, has a merry Christmas.
There are a lot of things I think I should do, and I feel like they need to be done perfectly. Is it really Christmas if everything isn’t perfect?
Last year, I decided that I was no longer willing to fulfill the expectations of the ghost of Christmas past. I had to find a way to make Christmas festive but bearable for me, too.
I let go of a lot of the “shoulds.”
I decided that I wasn’t responsible for everyone’s perfect Christmas experience. At least not alone.
I found a bakery that makes Christmas cookies and Christmas Stollen just as good as my home-baked ones. I decided not to invite anyone over for Christmas Eve. They can have Christmas lunch on the 25th. My husband and I have agreed not to buy presents and to donate to charity instead.
This year, we gifted a donkey and a goat to families in poor countries.
My stress levels have dropped tremendously since I decided to let go of the perfect Christmas and allow myself to do exactly as much as I want.
I know that many women don’t have the freedom to decide to just drop everything and forget the Christmas tradition. There is a lot of pressure, not only from ourselves but also from our loved ones, to make the festive season magical. Especially when children are involved.
But if you let go of striving for perfection and some of the “shoulds” and ask your family to help out, it can relieve some of the stress.
You might find some time to enjoy the Christmas season and visit one of the lovely Christmas markets.
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